“i’m not a cat person.”

“ew, cats.”

here’s what i think: GO FUCK YOURSELVES, HOUSE-PET NAZIS.

yes, we are all entitled to our opinions and uniqueness and all that crap. my anger here stems rather from the mutual exclusivity of animal preferences. i vouch that 99% of people quoted grumbling the above statements (or others to the same effect) are dog people  (except for my mother, who hates anything that breathes and isn’t human.) the same can be said of cat people, who will cuddle with a kitten that has poop stuck to its ass but go nowhere near a puppy because they’re “dirty, dirty animals.”

’tis a lengthy discourse, that of personal identification, and i will not go there for the time being. yet i will say that anyone who is a self-professed-something is an asshole:

i’m a vegetarian. i’m bisexual. i speak french. i’m succcchhhhhh a klluttzzzz!

we get it guys, you need to feel distinguished. but you’re still just a person (probably not a very interesting one either.)

if i had to stigmatize myself such, i would say creature person. anything small and endearing floats my boat, from worms to crabs to bees to otters to asian babies, and (gasp) both cats AND dogs. but i live in Beirut and am simply more familiarized with cats. hence this post.

i’m not sure where the angry rant came from.

anyone who has been to or even heard of AUB knows of the cats. they are everywhere. more powerful than the student body and staff put together, they live a life of luxury and leisure; kick one and you’re kicked out. and now, after three years at the university, on the dawn of my graduation, i have found their mecca.

my love and i named it Catland. it lies behind the Assembly Hall and is large enough to serve as headquarters to hundreds of felines. they emerged, one by one, from the bushes and shadows. they stalked slowly and we were encircled. from a distance, a low ‘mreeooowww’ prompted the tribe of four-legged warriors to follow suit and raise their heads in a welcoming chorus of guttural catspeak. here are some snapshots from the discovery.

how we longed to stay! we nicknamed that last one Ugly Freak, and it followed us everywhere we went. poor ugly bastard.

now, just for fun: the pinnacle of cultural atrophy

and of course, the most awesome grown man in the universe