you are coming to a close
your four quarters held true::
your first; vividwildnewprecious
your second; feverishsettled deepblinding
your third; deteriorating brittle strung
your last; sullen frigid done over passed
and thank you for your seasons
the infinite wisdom i tucked away and the extremes i tasted
(some acrid, many sweet, and many salted just right, like scrambled eggs)
notions i’ve forgone to replace with all things fresher
and for teaching me my purposes.
i am selfish.
you have done horribly to thousands of others i cohabit
but i am selfish and i love you
even the tragic colder endings
A4 sketchbook page (detail), pen illustration
try to begin a new chapter with an indestructible, permanent bookmark wedged between the final pages of the last. true proof that reading ahead before fully completing what you’ve covered is a big no-no.
a paragraph can become so revolting, when read through a thousand times, under distraction and not retained. words become vague symbols, and eventually the semantics fall away to leave a mere image. black, largely linear, in neat long rows, formulaic, on yellowing paper. familiar, but analog; of no meaning yet. image blurs and now is gray.
the subject matter hates me, of this i’m sure. it offers itself still, because it has to, it’s there after all, but i can tell it’s become weary and reluctant. it wants to be left behind. it wants me to turn the goddamn page. it’s never changed and i’ve always known this but i’m fixated on the older story. i fear i won’t like the parts that follow or the new characters introduced.
tug violently at the sleeves of the universe, when it refuses to listen.
photography with black and white filter; self portrait and light