what an unpleasant scene!
a foot, nails mostly intact, advancing forward by curling its toes!
i have much to say, many thoughts, perhaps not suitable to be combined in one post. i would normally space them out. but. delirious with fatigue and elated, for now, i think i just might.
i was wondering today why it is that the second we give up the standard defenses we revert to complete buffoonery. by we i mean i. it goes so well. SO well. i am nonchalant and beautiful and wise. yet the second i internalize my approval of someone, or one/several of their feats/features, a bumbling imbecile hijacks my motor system and makes me do dumb stuff. and say dumb stuff. fumbling around in attempted subtlety to find a behavioral balance between sufficiently amorous and acting all like, yea, what’evs. the result is a violent and abrupt oscillation between the two.
“did i ever tell you, you have beautiful skin?”
fuck. a wan smile. i creeped him out.
ok, ok. next time he speaks, SLAP the motherfucker. yea. who’s creepy now, bitch.
*SLAP*
oh shit… that was hard. is he really mad? i should go tug on his sleeve… smile up in feigned innocence…
and this is around the point where, notwithstanding possible forgiveness on the man’s part, it all goes to shit. i guise my embarrassment in more playful insults. i become a nuisance. i’ve managed to avoid this pattern though, as of late. thus far the bumbling imbecile is dormant. not to say i don’t get retarded sometimes; when forced to watch him flit his irresistibly dopey wings at other flowers, i’m never quite sure how to behave. i pretend to find it funny, usually, but i always end up busying myself by biting the shit out of my cuticles. which now lay in bloody hardened shambles around my fingernails. generally though, i don’t have to find a balance because he provides it. and i’m glad.
also.
nicola samori is the SHIT. obscuring the face=no recognition of the self=loss of personal identity. hot damn.




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