after extended reflection, i’ve decided against reliving the tangled spider’s web of young hearts and hormones that had captured me prior to my departure. the good news is, i’ve been freed.

the bad news is, i’m beginning to long for a different kind of web after a long summer of… spider-hopping. it’s hard to do when you’re not willing to settle for romantic mediocrity. and so i face my quarter-life crisis. or rather, my mid-life crisis–we don’t tend to live very long in my profession.

i believe a reality tv show on my search for the one is in order. or perhaps i’ll join adultfriendfinder.com. 47 year old Bob from Milwaukee seems nice. he has children my age–ideal!

yes, it has come to this. my life adheres to a justin bieber song. i should just swallow a bottle of turpentine and die. what the hell are YOU so sad about, bald naked girl in the drawing to the immediate right of this text? i’ll bet even she has a human counterpart.

my future as a cat lady has commenced alarmingly early.